"I used to be so good at faking 'happiness' when in reality I was so unhealthy...not eating, doing endless hours of cardio, obsessed with the number on the scale, hundreds of juice cleanses, diet pill after diet pill, full of anxiety, and stuck in the rat cycle of doing the same thing expecting a different result."
You don't need to be 'OK' all the time..
A Little About Me
Being Healthy is so Much More Than Just Looking Good
I struggle with depression, anxiety, addiction, body dysphonia, and low self-esteem. And like many of us my life has not been easy.
In my mid 20's I went through a couple traumatic experiences and instead of dealing with it the healthy way, I suppressed it, and ended up causing so much chaos that my life felt like it was out of control. I turned to obsessing over things I could control: my body, fitness, and food. I was 500 calories a day, or binging to the point I'd get sick. Working out 2 sometimes 3 times a day, doing hours of cardio, making note of everything I ate, drank, and did, tried every fat burner and diet pill out there, doing dozens of juice cleanses, fasting... on and on.
On top of this eating disorder, I was struggling with depression, anxiety and addiction, I felt awful 99% of the time. I got really good at acting as if my life was perfect and I was 'happy'. Over and over again I hit rock bottom and eventually dug such a hole for myself, it got to the point where it was easier to keep digging, than to look up and start fixing my life.
The one thing that remained consistent for over 15 years is my love for fitness, my competitive side and my passion for helping others who struggle as well. In fact, my goal has always been: to be healthy, have a body I love, wake up happy, and share my story. It wasn't until the recent years that I realized unless I work on my mental and emotional health, I can only get so far.
Deep down I knew that I was only going to get so far with the decisions and choices I was making, and two years ago, I just had enough of letting myself down. I was putiin in all this effort in the gym but not living a healthy life. I was living in insanity... doing the same thing and expecting a different result.
My goal was: for 30 days I would give it everything I had to look better, eat better, not drink, journal my thoughts, and start living life with purpose. After the 30 days, I did it for another 30 days... And here we are.
I am here to tell you, it's not to late to make a change and I promise you bad times don't last, but STRONG people do! If you put in the work, stay consistent, trust the process, life will get easier. And you will eventually look bad and realize how far you have come.