A Quick Travel Back in Time..
I would skip lunch and forge hall passes to make sure I got to the gym. Most of the days I would throw away my lunch and eat as little as possible through the entire day… my senior year I competed in my first Miss Teen PA show placing in the top ten and telling myself I did not win because I wasn’t skinny enough, not because I just wasn’t qualified enough yet.
Moving onto college years…
I competed in two more pageants and not placing as high as I wanted, I quit. I remember walking to class at times and being so lightheaded living off Sugar Free Red Bull and Oat and Honey bars. I thought ‘eating less’ meant I would lose weight. Through my entire college career, I was in the gym every morning at 6am doing hours of cardio and hardly lifting any weight because I did not want to “get big”.
My sophomore year in college is where I was introduced to the bar scene and fell in love with the way alcohol made me feel. I was not shy, or nervous, or self-conscious, I felt confident, talkative and motivated to work.
Senior year in college…
Is when I was introduced to the bodybuilding scene… and I wanted to lift heavy and looked "jacked". So from one extreme to the other... my mindset in the gym changed and I started lifting a ton of weight but was still under eating and when I was eating, I was eating the wrong foods.
In 2012 I decided to compete in my first NPC Figure Competition… once again, I did not win, and was done competing. After the show I did not properly reverse diet and my body rebounded severely holding onto 10+ pounds of water.
The next years my body went up and down mirroring the events that happened in my life, but I always remained in the gym. My depression, anxiety, addiction, and trauma controlled my life.
It wasn’t until 2018 that I really started to get a grip on my life and my health. Eating less does not mean you are going to lose weight, spending hours on the treadmill doesn’t mean you will lose weight either… a proper nutritious diet, with cardio, weights, and positive self-talk is when your body will start to change… that’s what happened for me.